Month: April 2020

  • Is Positivity Killing People’s Spirit

    As a positive psychologist you would think I would be all over being “Positive” in times of adversity, but in this new world where everything “normal” is quickly disappearing and being replaced with new rules and regulations is positivity actually doing more harm than good?

    I recently went live on Facebook to talk about the varying emotions both myself and my family were going through and was met with a tidal wave of support and admiration.


    Because people wanted validation, permission and acceptance to feel whatever they damn well feel in this unknown space, without judgement or opinion.

    They didn´t want to hear “Just think positive, everything is going to be ok”, they wanted to know that they were not alone in their feelings of fear, pain, anger, confusion and anxiousness. That even a positive psychologist can experience the full spectrum of emotions without shame or embarrassment.

    In fact it´s not my place or anyone else´s for that matter, to tell people how to feel, and for many it´s individuals honesty that is keeping them sane.

    The honesty to remove the mask of “I´m fine, nothing to see here” and be open about the fact that some days, I am revelling in the peace and gratitude of slowing down, while other days I am ready to rip people´s head off, as the introvert in me is craving some space for herself.

    In times of adversity all emotions matter.

    Fear is what has been keeping many safe, respecting the boundaries of distance and staying at home. Anger is what has propelled people into action to get stuff done, to sort things through, to release and let go what no longer serves. Confusion has brought about clarity, as to the lives we wish to lead moving forward. Being selfish has allowed, many for the first time, to put their own needs ahead of others and know the importance of filling up their bucket first.

    Peace has allowed for the slowing down and acceptance of a new way of living, and gratitude has expanded our love for the simple things in life that have been so overlooked in the past by us, as we have been speeding through life at a thousand miles an hour.

    All emotions are good.

    Without the darkness how can we revel in the light?

    Without sorrow, how can we know the pure joy of happiness?

    Without restrictions, how can we know and respect freedom?

    The trick is not to stay in those lower vibrational emotions for too long.

    The understanding of what is triggering our emotions, can provide coping strategies and opportunities for growth. Being present with our emotions and rather than fighting against them, asking questions of ourselves, can provide clarity. The seeking out of help and support as and when is needed, can provide new levels of friendship and further bolster our resilience.

    Whatever emotion you are feeling at the moment, know that all is ok. Ride the emotional rollercoaster wherever it might take you and know that in the acceptance and understanding is the knowledge to carry on.



  • Invisibility – Our Midlife Superpower

    As I peered in the mirror early one morning, I was surprised to see this old woman looking back at me. Now anyone that has gone past their mid-thirties will know that something NOT so magical happens when you go to sleep from 35 years on, and my face was starting to show signs of it.

    One of my best friends, Laura Ceppelli, calls it her “F*ck What Happened to My Face” moment, when you see the sleep tram lines weaving their way across your face, knowing full well it could take until lunchtime for the creases to drop out as you stand and contemplate, whether it´s worth smoothing them out with a good foundation or staying hidden until the afternoon.

    As women age things happen to our whole body, not just our face. For those mothers reading this you will know that after you have had kids your pelvic floor is never quite the same either, no trampolining that´s for sure, then we have the hair that takes on a mind of its own, going from straight to curly, from thick to thin and from a vibrant colour to a bland spotted type of gray and then to top it off, our superpower kicks in.

    Not a cool superpower like flying, or maybe ultra-strength, no, we are gifted with the joy of invisibility to add to the list of things not to look forward to as we age. Whether in the workplace or walking down the street, we find once we get to a certain age, we seem to be able to disappear completely, merging like a chameleon into the background.

    Now on the one hand there can be that inner longing for things to be the way they used to be, but as our whole life can start to shift on it´s axis during midlife from empty nesting, to elderly parents, aging body and all the good bits in between, invisibility can be turned to our advantage.

    Invisibility allows us the perfect period of individuation where we can start to look within, to decide whether the woman we have become through following the programming of society is really who we want to be, as we start to tap back into the spirit and full potential of who we really are.

    The dreams, the desires, the inner knowing that we were put on this planet to be more, do more and achieve more. That the inner unlimited potential that we have been stuffing down all of our lives is now about to take flight like the butterfly coming out of the chrysalis in all its multi-faceted glory.

    Our superpower of invisibility is just a cover up, to give us time to embrace all of our superpowers as we step into the world and truly make our mark, no more abiding by the rules, no more dimming our light or hiding our gifts under a bushel…. Now is our time, this is our space, and this is our YEAR.